I’m going to try something a little different over the course of my next few articles – just to mix things up a bit.

What I’m planning to do is write about things that really wind me up, things that summon rage from the depths within…

Come to think of it, when I say ‘over the course of my next few articles’ – this could mean three, it could mean five… or it could just continue (I get annoyed at a lot of things, you see, but I’m not an angry person – honest).

Anyway, let’s not waste time – let’s get this started.

My very first ‘official’ rant (the last few have been going off in all sorts of directions) is going to be about mopeds.

Are you with me…? I’m guessing a great deal of you are, so let’s continue.

Mopeds are, for those of you who don’t know, bloody stupid.

They’re half-way between a push bike and a small motorbike – which is great for people who have a genuine interest in motorbikes and have to gain experience riding something less powerful before moving onto a sportier model.

However, according to official figures from my own research, 97.65% of moped drivers are utter idiots and only ride them as a status symbol – this status is unknown to me (other than conveying that they are council-estate dwelling, unemployed and – here’s that word again – chavs).

It’s not just the fact that the riders of most mopeds have a lower IQ than the number of wheels on the vehicle… it’s the bloody noise they make too.

I’m not even going to try and visually represent the hum mopeds make, because I’m pretty sure you already know. It sounds a little like a bee trapped in a wheelie bin.

On a slightly random note… I once heard of a game – and illegal game, that is – where the aim was to drive round and kick mopeds over. Now then, this is pretty awful for the innocent moped riders out there… but let’s face it, you’ve got a 9 in 10 chance of kicking a chav’s moped over, so the odds are incredibly in your favour. I’m not (in any way) condoning this game, so please don’t go out there and do it!

This picture isn't at all relevant to my post - it's just hilarious

Anyway, we can’t exactly get rid of mopeds – because they are useful for some people. They’re economic and they can nip around city centres with great ease.

What we can do, though, is pray on our hands and knees before we sleep for a new licensing system that will prevent chavs (or – to be more politically correct… youngsters with a criminal record – i.e. all chavs) from riding these things around. Following that, the roads will be left open to people who enjoy riding motorbikes/mopeds (and those who genuinely appreciate the convenience of them) – and maybe then I won’t hate them as much!

I don’t want to hate mopeds, but I just do. I completely appreciate how great and handy they can be – but sometimes, the heart is stronger than the head!

Mopeds, my dear friends, are heading (well, incessantly squealing actually) into my proverbial Room 101.

Main image taken from: hsinjurylaw. com – In-content images taken from kansas. inetgiant. com